Fight Casualties: Ear, U.S.-Canada Relations

Each week, Patch combs through the more shocking, surprising and often absurd alleged criminal acts and police-related incidents that unfold throughout New Jersey. Here’s what went on this week for “OMGs from NJ PD.”

<Insert Mike Tyson Joke Here>: It’s all fun and games until someone’s ear gets bitten off. “Play fighting”—among adults, mind you—cost Matthew DeAugistinis, 25, of Bloomingdale,  with Wayne’s Michael Mccroy, 22, went too far. DeAugistinis presumably didn’t hear entreaties to stop the fight. Shocker of the year: Bloomingdale Police say the fighters were drunk.   

Neighbors’ Tiff Turns Saucy: A Maple Shade spat turned finger-licking good when the combatants unloaded the makings of a delicious cookout on each other, all in the name of that most . Neighbors having a loud party? Better shower their cars with barbecue sauce. Want revenge for your sticky cars? Why, throw meatballs, eggs, ears of corn (?) and yet more barbecue sauce on the party pooper’s house. It’s safe to assume these neighbors won’t be breaking bread together anytime soon.

Brazen Businesswoman: A Verona woman must’ve felt like she was on a hidden camera show after this phone call. The caller, Hillside’s Talawthon Motyczka, 42, allegedly offered to return the woman’s stolen purse—. A thief had stolen the woman’s Coach bag days earlier, and Motyczka offered to sell it back at an area Burger King. Have it your way, the woman told Motyczka. The victim arranged for police to be at the meeting, where they arrested Motyczka on stolen property charges.

Whistle While You Work: This guy might make a better baritone than burglar. An Iselin woman arrived home to , apparently so filled with the sound of music that he wasn’t too concerned about keeping a low profile. The lilting looter fled without any booty and he was last seen warbling into a cell phone as he ran from the home. Woodbridge Police haven’t caught up with the songster yet.

It’s the War of 1812 All Over Again: What are a couple of Canucks to do when a Morristown bar denies them Molson?  It was a North America grudge match as a couple of Americans and Canadians tussled outside a Morristown bar, just after our friends to the north were shut out because it was closing time. Happily, the brawl didn’t turn into an international incident, with police handing out disorderly persons charges regardless of nationality.

Manny and Moe Jack Up a Car: Toms River Police are investigating a most unusual crime, the theft of a single tire. The odd thing is the thieves had the . Police say the pair broke into a car, started it, moved it four spaces over, jacked it up and stole but a single tire. The take-only-what-you-need thieves thoughtfully left the car on the jack so the rotors didn’t get ruined, although they also left the engine on all night, the bewildered owner told police.